How Are the Kids?

This is the question that so many people ask.  It's been a struggle for them really, but I wanted to do a check in since we are approaching the four month point.  There are things I've done well, and things I wish I'd done differently.


Sophie

The night that Chris passed away is a span of time I'll never forget.  One of my biggest fears was that the kids would wake up and walk into the most unimaginable scene.  When I woke Sophie that next morning, she just wasn't herself.  She told me that she heard some scary noises that night, and heard me on the phone with 9-1-1. She was very reserved and looked worried, but wouldn't ever tell me the full story of what she heard.  To this day, we still haven't discussed it.

In the days and weeks that followed, Sophie was my emotional child.  She would weep hardly and loudly, and called Chris her "life soul mate".  And that was true - they are identical in personality and have these quirks that us mere mortals just cannot understand.

Slowly over the summer, Sophie shrunk into a depression and became very reserved and shy.  Almost self conscious.  For anyone that knows her, this is a seismic shift in her very DNA.  Counseling helped some, but the pinnacle of her self-doubts and sadness came just before school started in early August.  We had an epic meltdown at the middle school open house, and I was worried that moving back home to Mount Airy was the worst decision ever (more on that later).

I'm thrilled to say that Sophie's guardian angel has been looking out for her.  She has made some friends at school already, and I am already catching her sending texts on the iPad when she's supposed to be sleeping.  We even got a note sent home today about her excessive talking in class.

For the first time ever, a note home from the teacher about her excessive talking absolutely makes me beam.  I think Sophie is finally coming back.


Gabriel

Gabriel has been more of a challenge for us all.  Every emotion in his being transformed into rage for about six weeks.  He directed most of this rage at me, which I took.  After all, I wanted him to know that he could hate me, yell at me, and even hit me and I would not leave him.  I prayed that in time the rage would calm itself.  I really understood what he was going through.  I myself have a lot of anger, but it's (unfortunately) not socially acceptable for a 39 year old woman to punch people in the stomach and/or toss themselves on the floor at Walmart.  Despite what you sometimes witness at Walmart :-)

Counseling was a double edged sword for Gabriel.  While he seemed to look forward to those days, the aftermath was absolute torture for the rest of us.  He was typically most angry, sad, and unreasonable after being forced to discuss his actions.

Finally, we found Gabriel's savior.  He started football in late July, and the change was almost instant.  I think maybe he now has a physical hobby to focus his energy on, and maybe he is now just too tired to fight the world.  Whatever the reason, football has been a life changer in so many ways.

Gabriel is also adjusting really well to his new school.  The smallness of his elementary school helps him feel loved and taken care of.  His teacher is an angel and knows what he's going through.  Sometimes the benefits of a small town are immeasurable.

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Both kids are now starting to open up and share fun memories about Chris.  We are trying to watch some of his favorite TV shows that we all enjoyed together (we went three months without watching a single episode of How I Met Your Mother, which had to be a new Tagle record).  We are listening to some of Chris's favorite music at night, and finding this is a way to fill the silence that he left behind.

Kids really are resilient.  In many ways, maybe even all ways, they are the reason I keep chugging along.  When you have two extraordinary little people who depend on you to keep your shit together, then keeping your shit together becomes your ultimate goal.